Our Circles of Motherhood

Welcome to Her Circle of Motherhood, where I connect with mothers from around the world to explore the beauty and complexity of parenting within communities. Today, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Ollie Chistova, a content creator and a mother of one. We discussed how connection and shared wisdom have shaped her journey through motherhood.

-To start, could you share a bit about yourself—what do you call your hometown, and what is your favourite memory from growing up there?

I’m from a small city called Kemerovo in Siberia, Russia. Siberia is known for its vast landscapes and pristine nature, and I remember we had a lot of snow. For me, snow always brings back fond memories with my father. He loves winter sports like skiing and skating, and we often went out to play together.

-That sounds really special. I can almost picture the snowy landscapes of Siberia and the two of you enjoying the outdoors together.

It truly was a special time for me, especially because I haven’t skied or skated for a long time. Those memories hold a special place in my heart.

-That’s so beautiful. After spending your childhood in Siberia, your life brought you to Shanghai. Can you tell me how that came about?

Before moving to China, my family relocated to Kaliningrad, a Russian exclave located in Europe. There, I met my husband and got married. After our marriage, we decided to move to Shanghai. It was an unexpected turn for us. We wanted to travel together and live in different countries, and someone suggested that we should try going to China. We had never considered it before, but we decided to go along with the idea. We initially came here just for a short visit, but then we ended up staying longer and longer.

Finding My Birth Team: How I Met My Doula During Pregnancy

-That’s such an adventurous path you both took together. Later on, your daughter Melissa came into your life—do you remember the moment you found out you were pregnant?

I remember being surprised. When we were preparing for pregnancy, I had read a book that said, “Don’t panic if it doesn’t work overnight.” It mentioned that it’s normal to wait for months or even over a year. So we were expecting it to take some time. But then one day, it just happened. We were just surprised and even jumped in surprise. However, we had been planning for it, so we felt calm at the same time.

-That’s such a sweet surprise. From there, how did your pregnancy unfold?

My pregnancy journey began in Shanghai, and I remember that COVID was still a concern. I decided to return to Kaliningrad when I was seven months pregnant to prepare for my birth. When I got home, it felt like a vacation at first. I was happy to see my family and friends after such a long time. Then I started getting ready for my birth. I found a hospital that I liked, and I was really pleased with the doctors there.

-That must have been a relief to find a place and doctors you trusted.

It was. And during my regular checkups, they told me that I could also take a free maternity class at the hospital. Since I was eager to learn and meet the professionals working there, I decided to join. That’s where I met my doula, who supported me throughout my birthing journey.

Quiet Support, Powerful Presence: How My Doula Helped Me Welcome My Daughter

-I love how open you were to learning and meeting people during that time. And through that step, you found your doula, who became an important part of your birth experience.

That’s right. I joined the class and saw her giving a lecture about breathing and relaxation during childbirth. The moment I heard her speak about birth, I thought, Wow, this is so close to what I imagined. At that moment, I realised I wanted her to be there during my delivery.

–You recognised something in her that you could rely on.

Yes, I think it was her personality. From the moment I heard her speak, I felt I could trust her. When she discussed ways to relax, she used the example of a cat giving birth. A cat doesn’t go out in public; instead, she finds a dark corner where she can be alone, away from everyone, so she can truly relax and focus. I thought, This is exactly how I want to give birth. I often hear many women say they want their husband, mother, or other family members beside them, but I had never considered that. I wanted to be alone, and felt that I would be better off relaxing by myself.

-You found out what truly felt right for you.

Exactly. However, you definitely need professional support, which is why I decided to give birth in a hospital instead of at home. I felt that this doula was someone I could trust with my journey. I believe trust is the most important factor in a situation like childbirth. Not only do you need professionals, but you also need someone who is on the same page as you.

-I do empathise with that. So, she was there with you during the birth?

She arrived at the perfect time. Initially, I was by myself, surrounded by doctors and nurses who came and went to check on me. Then, as soon as my dilation was enough, she walked in. I remember the doctor saying, “Now she’s ready, and we can all start.” That was the moment I needed help the most, and I was incredibly happy to be surrounded by people I trusted. She reminded me to breathe, which really helped, and I felt like everything happened so fast. The delivery went mostly smoothly, though there were some challenging moments, but thanks to their support, I was able to hold on.

-It’s wonderful that she arrived just when you needed her. How did she support you once the delivery began?

First, when she came in, she offered me a cold compress, which felt so good. I didn’t even realise I needed it until she gave it to me. Then I saw her face, and I felt relaxed. She looked confident and assured, as if she knew what was going on, which was a huge relief for me. I didn’t need much interference at that time; I just needed to see someone who understood me without needing to say too much.

-That kind of quiet reassurance can mean so much.

Yes, and she stayed with me the entire time. She helped me breathe and stay calm. She took a video of my baby’s first cry, and even helped me call my husband. Afterwards, she assisted me in returning to my room.

-She truly stayed by your side through it all. That must have meant a lot to you.

It certainly did. However, I often find it challenging to explain to others how significant her presence was for me. I understand that, for some people, it’s hard to grasp. For example, a few of my relatives asked, “Why did you pay her for this? I could have helped.” I would respond, “No, it’s different.”

-I do empathise, it can be hard to articulate this to those who haven’t gone through the experience. But I know, it’s not something everyone can do.

That’s right. I understand that for those who haven’t experienced this, what she did may not seem significant. However, to me, it was an immense source of support.

Pages: 1 2 3